I’m a firm believer that the focus on how to love yourself and how to show love to yourself should be something we do every day of the year, not just in February.

Because self-love is the ultimate kind of love and, oftentimes, the hardest kind of love to experience. 

We hold ourselves to much higher standards than others around us, and showing empathy, understanding and compassion for ourselves is what takes the most work.

How do you actually fall in love with yourself? What is the secret to deep love and appreciation for yourself? Here is how, from my experience.

Others might give you a list of things to do and activities to try. Yes, you can do those things, and tick the boxes, but there is one important step that’s often missing, which is at the core of it all.

And because I don’t do things on the surface level, I am going to dive deep here.

At the root of it, where it all stems from – is tucked and hidden away somewhere deep inside of you. 

Sure, doing the more surface-level stuff might get you some results, but it is in the deep inner work where the magic lies. 

Here is what’s important to address if you want to develop profound and deep love for yourself

1. Start by recognising the parts of yourself that you love

Write out all of the things that you love about yourself, however many or few there are.

List all of the physical, emotional and spiritual things, whatever you love about yourself. We are not looking for quantity here, just to offload as much as possible.

2. Continue to recognise the parts of yourself that you don’t love or appreciate

List the things that even mildly annoy you, that you can’t accept about yourself, that you’re critical of.

Be aware of the language and words like “I hate this about myself” because I know how casually we can throw around those words as if they don’t carry as much significance.

Again be thorough, and allow yourself to spend a day or two observing your thoughts and the language you use to speak to and about yourself.

Pay close attention to the thoughts and the language that has become a habitual way of thinking about yourself. It is the most common place where the lack of love will show up. 

Think about the actions that you do that go against everything you want and truly desire, where you say “yes” to things you don’t want to do. This is the most common way we “tell” ourselves (subconsciously) we don’t appreciate or love ourselves.  

3. Investigate and be curious about the reasons you can’t love those parts of yourself (or why you put other people’s wants above your needs)

Start with things that first come to you as you write it out.

You can even write something like “I don’t love this part of myself because…” and notice what comes after that “because”. 

Who does that inner voice sound like? Does it represent someone or something? What are all the reasons you tell yourself? Under which conditions you can accept and love those parts of yourself?

Because those conditions will tell you a lot.

4. Start showing love and appreciation to those parts you can’t accept and love

This is often the tricky bit. It might not be difficult for you, if you’ve already started doing some work. 

But for most people, this is the stumbling point because those are the beliefs and thoughts we have “practiced” for many years and have been with us for quite a while.

Changing those beliefs and habitual thoughts takes intention and commitment. 

It can’t be left to chance. It has to be intentional, conscious, purposeful, and done with dedication. 

How does that look like?

By putting in intentional practices to show love to yourself and being fully present and in the moment when doing them. Scheduling things into calendar. Booking things in advance. 

To hold the intention of “this is the way I am showing love to myself & this is the love I’m giving myself” throughout the activity. 

It has to be done consistently because otherwise the habitual thoughts and behaviours will overtake and you will go back to the old patterns. 

My complimentary “Roadmap to Alignment” – Guide to Staying True to You will help you uncover your true desires and wishes, and recognise from which energy you’re making decisions. 

So that when you make those decisions, they are done with love for yourself in mind, first and foremost.